I'm a World-class bitch!
Why is it that when people die, I do not seem very affected? Am I just cold? I cry a lot, but only for myself, and only when I am quite angry...(i must be angry a lot?) Of course it is selfishness on my part, but it is also, I'm sure, a very cold being.
Even before I got all fucked up and depressed and suicidal, death really didn't faze me much. My uncle's funeral, my neighbor's funeral, my grandfather's funeral...there were more, but you know...I never cried, only a TINY bit, and not for the dead....
Ok, death is pretty final, but life basically sucks, and I believe in the afterlife, and I generally believe the best in people, so i think that they're going to a better place...Why would I cry that someone's getting into heaven, or eternal happiness? I'm happy for them
And, of course, some death...most death...just out and out sucks, but the main reason I feel bad is the survivors...we have to go on with life! We have to live without that most beloved person...try and act like things are normal without a vital part of our lives.
Sometimes, it's different...when the person has been suffering, I HATE to see people suffer in any shape or form. So, i cry when people suffer...and animals. Especially the survivors...I hate to hurt people, i don't know if i could. an unexpected death scares me, but either way, death isn't the worst thing in the world...I'm serious.
That said, I don't WISH for anyone to die, even me...I mean, when their time comes, i hope it comes peacefully, and i don't fight death like it's so b ad...if i were sick, i would fight to live, but i don't want to live forever. I just hope that I die helping someone else...saving a baby from a burning building, or saving orphans, or something...You know, so my life won't be in vain.
An immensity of death is replaced with an abundance of life. As long as we know how, life will carry on. I want to help the world carry on, after I'm dead and all...I just want people to be happy and healthy...and I want the world to be OK
sigh...and yet i'm apathetic
Even before I got all fucked up and depressed and suicidal, death really didn't faze me much. My uncle's funeral, my neighbor's funeral, my grandfather's funeral...there were more, but you know...I never cried, only a TINY bit, and not for the dead....
Ok, death is pretty final, but life basically sucks, and I believe in the afterlife, and I generally believe the best in people, so i think that they're going to a better place...Why would I cry that someone's getting into heaven, or eternal happiness? I'm happy for them
And, of course, some death...most death...just out and out sucks, but the main reason I feel bad is the survivors...we have to go on with life! We have to live without that most beloved person...try and act like things are normal without a vital part of our lives.
Sometimes, it's different...when the person has been suffering, I HATE to see people suffer in any shape or form. So, i cry when people suffer...and animals. Especially the survivors...I hate to hurt people, i don't know if i could. an unexpected death scares me, but either way, death isn't the worst thing in the world...I'm serious.
That said, I don't WISH for anyone to die, even me...I mean, when their time comes, i hope it comes peacefully, and i don't fight death like it's so b ad...if i were sick, i would fight to live, but i don't want to live forever. I just hope that I die helping someone else...saving a baby from a burning building, or saving orphans, or something...You know, so my life won't be in vain.
An immensity of death is replaced with an abundance of life. As long as we know how, life will carry on. I want to help the world carry on, after I'm dead and all...I just want people to be happy and healthy...and I want the world to be OK
sigh...and yet i'm apathetic
posted by Julie @ 10:48 PM
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