Long North

Long North

Long Time Gone North

Ago, an age, a restless memory

I held it in my heart so long

And never opened it

Like the music box resting

Peacefully silent in my room

The cold ground is freezing

Over me, it does not hurt anymore

But I do feel something deep

Inside -it's buring- hurts!

It rises in my throat, spreads

Through my veins, my blood

It pumps ever faster, harder

Oh! Such misery, I'm fire spreading

Me, I'm burning, died, and hurting

The ground is freezing, I'm here

All alone in the North

When did I get here?

I'll never leave

It's been so long, my room

Is empty of me, but my smell remains

As the silent music box grows dusty

I'm a World-class bitch!

Why is it that when people die, I do not seem very affected? Am I just cold? I cry a lot, but only for myself, and only when I am quite angry...(i must be angry a lot?) Of course it is selfishness on my part, but it is also, I'm sure, a very cold being.

Even before I got all fucked up and depressed and suicidal, death really didn't faze me much. My uncle's funeral, my neighbor's funeral, my grandfather's funeral...there were more, but you know...I never cried, only a TINY bit, and not for the dead....

Ok, death is pretty final, but life basically sucks, and I believe in the afterlife, and I generally believe the best in people, so i think that they're going to a better place...Why would I cry that someone's getting into heaven, or eternal happiness? I'm happy for them

And, of course, some death...most death...just out and out sucks, but the main reason I feel bad is the survivors...we have to go on with life! We have to live without that most beloved person...try and act like things are normal without a vital part of our lives.

Sometimes, it's different...when the person has been suffering, I HATE to see people suffer in any shape or form. So, i cry when people suffer...and animals. Especially the survivors...I hate to hurt people, i don't know if i could. an unexpected death scares me, but either way, death isn't the worst thing in the world...I'm serious.

That said, I don't WISH for anyone to die, even me...I mean, when their time comes, i hope it comes peacefully, and i don't fight death like it's so b ad...if i were sick, i would fight to live, but i don't want to live forever. I just hope that I die helping someone else...saving a baby from a burning building, or saving orphans, or something...You know, so my life won't be in vain.

An immensity of death is replaced with an abundance of life. As long as we know how, life will carry on. I want to help the world carry on, after I'm dead and all...I just want people to be happy and healthy...and I want the world to be OK

sigh...and yet i'm apathetic

Zombies ate my neighbors lyrics

So hey man, check this out, downtown's a riot and something's spreadin through the crowd. Try channel 9, I'm pretty sure they're headed straight for this part of town. I can't be certain, but I swear I hear them just outside. There's no way that this is real, so COUNT ME IN. So grab something sharp, find some cover, kill the lights and nail the back door shut. This isn't funny any more, oh no, THIS MEANS WAR. Don't take this the wrong way, but I'd much rather choke and die than sit alone and fall without a fight. So call the neighbor kids with trash can lids and buckets on their heads. Cause I'm telling you, we're gonna need a little help tonight... And there she was, glaring, through olive eyes and chalk white skin. I want you to know that I won't be holding back tonight. She stole my heart. I'll be taking hers with a lawn dart now. But look at the bright side, it's not like she had one there to start... And something tells me, it's gonna be a long night... So grab something sharp, find some cover, kill the lights and nail the back door shut. This isn't funny any more, oh no, THIS MEANS WAR. And something tells me, it's gonna be a long night... So call the neighbor kids with trash can lids and buckets on their heads. Cause I'm telling you, we're gonna need a little help tonight...

....I like that song and the band is from denver, too...cool!

He's an orphan...

Life's not fucking fair. I understand it, I understand that people have to die and things happen, and a lot of the time, it's NO ONE's fault, but this just sucks. I wish I could do something for him.

If you didn't know, a good friend of mine's mother died on Tuesday. We are going to the funeral tomorrow. His birth father also died a few years ago. He's an orphan.

It's weird, and it's not fair. I'm sure he will be very strong, because it is his nature, but his mother was a wonderful woman, and she was his world. He loved her so much, and she's gone, and he can't do anything. I can't even pretend to know how it feels, but i imagine that if it happened to me, I would just break.

I would shut myself off, I would cry incessantly, and refuse to see anyone. Or maybe I wouldn't be able to cry. I would just grow angrier and angrier. I can't say. I'm ashamed to say I'm glad it wasn't my mother, but if there was anything in this world that I could do for him, I would. Maybe there is nothing that he wants to hear, but whatever it is that he needs, I will do.

May his mother rest peacefully, in God's arms, and may He also be with my friend and give him the strength to carry through and carry on. :(

Animal Shelter

Today I went to the Animal Shelter after having not gone in months. I really like it there. It is sad to see all the animals stuck in cramped little cages, and not getting adopted for months, but it would be worse if no one was trying to help them.

I walked a dog today, and she and the other dog my mom walked caught a bird, it was HILARIOUS! Poor terrified bird won't be able to fly right for a while...woops. I also played with Cats, and brushed a nice doggie named Paulina...It was a good 2 hours of fun....

Did you know that no shelters will adopt black cats out around Halloween time? People do too much cruel shit to them, so they just hold them until mid November, I think...It's a terribly unfortunate practice; people should know better than to hurt an animal because of a superstition like that. However, I'm glad they protect their animals.

This one pug, though, oh my God, I thought my Grandmother's rat/dog is the most annoying thing in the world...that pug barks like a pig-parrot-dog-seal....@.@ rawr. Anyway, things are going better for me now!